Yoshi’s Noteboard 2.0
Write About NowArchive for Spiritual Issues
Power in weakness
I’m being reminded again and again over the last few months how weak and incorrigible I am. I cannot stop myself sinning when I want to, I find pride so entrenched just when I think I’ve reached new depths of humility.
I still work so slowly, and am so inefficient with the time I’ve been given. But each day comes as a gift, and no other time in my life have I been grateful for each breath, each step. And as I rejoice in each smile, hug and embrace of the Lord, I know the meaning of my life is found not in what I can do or have done, but in who I am becoming.
Perhaps true obedience is not as easy as some people make it seem to be. I have yet to learn that lesson.
Tree Quote
“Train up a fig tree in the way it should go, and when you are old sit under the shade of it.” Charles Dickens.
The heart’s desire for anyone/everyone involved with molding lives and shaping character.
Randomize Thy Blog
Ok. The Lord told me to blog. Yeah, He’s cool. He got me into basketball, jogging, foosball, and Kluang and writing and… 
I’ve been holding a few ideas in my head since the last time I wrote about being fleeced in my greek exam. And turns out that even the greek sentence I constructed was grammatically WRONG. Wakakakaka…
But, aside the frustrations at not being able to SCORE at Greek (which keeps me humble), and having to deal with my terrible work ethic, I am having farn.
I had a good game of basketball on Wednesday. Won two of the full-court games comfortably, with different scratch teams. (And I’m quite pleased at the success of the strategy change and the practices of lay-ups done the day before.)
I’m making progress on my Romans paper, but too slowly (for my own good). Will be going to Melaka this weekend, God willing, for food (ugh), Scrabble and fellowship, which although ‘relaxing’, will mean less time for work. I have one more month to finish all remaining papers. Things look a little better than they were last year at this time, but I’m still behind in most things. However, I am happy to say that I’ve been so much more punctual (if not early) for my appointments, which bodes well for consideration of other ’self-development’ initiatives.
In short, I’m still enjoying life. And although I still feel I could know more Scripture, be more caring, or more efficient in the way I do stuff and handle my time, I know that pleasing God lies not in the future, but in the calm assurance of His pleasure and acceptance in the day to day. And His burdens have not been heavy.
Life in STM
STM Student Council 2009... The Dream Team
The Bible College that I spend 80% of my time during the week is a representative microcosm that reflects the Malaysian Church in all its flawed glory. There is the clannish Chinese communities- fragmented, loud and critical; the indifferent and individualistic English-speaking Chinese; the ‘neglected’ and ‘marginalized’ Indian ‘minority’; the local bumiputra students that lend much mirth to our dreary and kiasu-istic lifestyles; and the foreign students, who remind us of a growing immigrant population in the country and its crying needs.
Inseparable...My former roomie (Jegadass) and me. Peas in a pod.
I believe this larger, more intricate family must be brought to a love-centered balance, not by sheer reason, persuasion or charisma, but by prayer and quiet trust alone. No amount of talk (and I have had heard alot of it since coming in to STM) will bring men and women together in harmony of purpose. Some quarters complain that the students are not mentored or discipled by the lecturers enough. In some sense it is true, but I prefer to seek for alternatives, rather than wait for the proverbial moon to turn blue. In the same way, I feel that the seniors should play a bigger role in mentoring and assisting the juniors. (And I guess I could complain that we have not been discipled and mentored enough!) However, after a year here, I have learnt to adapt and get my input elsewhere.
Growing up... the sophomores y'all!
But for the juniors under me, I have been seeking after a way to allow my current year to be more pro-active towards welcoming the freshies. So far, there has not been a concerted effort to reach out to them- much like what happened to my year- but I hope this will not be a norm in the days to come. May we learn what it means to love with greater sincerity.
Myself included.
Of Demons and Prayer
Waking sleep... chase, chase, chase them out!
I have been troubled by my own lack of prayer, having been entrusted with it by the Lord to uphold the people around me fervently. I know and have seen its effectiveness, but I struggle to maintain my committment.
Last night I awoke from a dream, where I and a group of others were assailed by moaning demons/spirits. While we tried to run for cover (fat lot of good that does), a few of them leapt over and latched themselves firmly to our heads. They were small sized, but vicious. As they sunk their invisible claws into our minds, binding in fear and confusion, we struggled in vain to extricate them. I woke up on full alert.
It was 4.21 am. As I began praying without reserve, the Lord released the strangleholds and began breaking the ties. My mind began to clear and I continued to pray for all those within thinking distance. Strength and normalcy soothed me back to sleep.
If the Lord ever wakes you up in the middle of the night alarmed and disturbed, pray. Pray for your friends, your neighbours, your country.
Can nothing be something?
Easy
Valentine’s Day was uneventful, but fun. Spent the morning and early afternoon going through with my sis some points on “The Art of Meaning”- trying to define art for what it is, and how it contributes towards meaning. Then in the afternoon, met up with an old friend, Cheng Wee:
Housemates in da 'hood... breakfast taken in 2005, Cheng Wee standing. Cool guy, cool hair.
The evening was spent in YF. We had a blast: games, writing whacked out love letters, etc. Jit shared a short message on love and keeping one’s heart pure; and the place was done up swimmingly by Josie and her team. Even the songs were apt (Well done everyone!).
Medium
Even as I have been mulling over the progress of various ‘ministries’- one consistent event is recurring: that we are under some kind of ‘dampening influence’, both as individuals and as groups. And I am starting to ponder on the (lack of) progress of some of the Kluang youth. There has been breakthroughs in some lives, but others have either stagnated or diminished in fervour/understanding/insight. This is distressing when there is so much more ground to cover, and I wonder whether their faith will hold up when the tide of darkness covers all.
I myself struggle to “keep in step with the Spirit“, but I am being reminded of the importance of putting love into every action. This means pausing to know, understand and celebrate the people around me, who they are becoming and who they have become. This may also mean accepting the possibilities of independent thinking, even if it means foregone conclusions of failure, or so I think lah. But love can also open one’s mind to deeper and wider things.
In the Zone
Complacency, disobedience and unaccountability are recurring sins. Although certain other ‘elemental spirits’ are more neutralized, other ’sins of omission’ are equally damaging to one’s spiritual growth. I have been finding it hard to focus, and have not been praying enough. There are improvements in other areas- time management, awareness and reading. But a nagging issue still remains. Baby, I need to go kite-flying.
When you step out
and move beyond the shadows of leaving
A void of clear crystal
envelopes my mistaken longings
There is no way to know for certain
Whether you will ever return
As a guest or as a light bearer
For the days are shrouded with questions without conclusions
And as the hours grow longer
and the growing darkness reminds me of a distant call
The memories of failure are my only companions
On a road with no followers
Fell me and leave me to wander.
Belligerence Begins Again
During devotions yesterday, among many things learnt was: “The one who lives alone is self-indulgent, showing contempt for all who have sound judgement.” (Prov 18:1, NRSV) Which struck a chord, since I like being alone, and realized that many a recluse was self-indulgent, myself included.
Another verse which got me was, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and one who moves too hurriedly misses the way.” (Prov 19:2, NRSV) Resonated because I was just nursing a defeat at basketball where I lost the game because I was too nervous- couldn’t get my shots right- and also the considerations of leadership and moving through unchartered waters. More knowledge and insight is needed.
Israel votes today... pic courtesy of Rina Castelnuovo for The New York Times
Interesting article written by an Israeli on the recent war in Gaza, and how Israel will vote in their elections this afternoon. Click on picture for news report on the elections.
Khairy at an UMNO meeting in 2007. He required that all UMNO Youth do the same at such meetings, or be riskedbeing labelled as traitors to their race. Click on image for news article.
Even in Perak, a timely reminder that Khairy is still stoking racial sentiments, as the Little Napoleons begin to strut their plummage afresh.
Stepping into eternity for a second
During our lunch-hour prayer on Thursday, I found myself praying in what seemed an eternity- not out of boredom or resentment, but out of a conscious desire to bring all known petitions before the Lord. As each item was brought to the surface, wrestled with and then released, I found that I could cover alot of ground in intercession.
This is another aspect to prayer that I never understood before. Prayer can tune one’s inner self to, paradoxically, Eternity’s sense of time. This is not the empty mumblings or mutterings of incoherence, nor a specious blanking of the mind for self-serving appeasement, but a deep assurance that He has heard the torrent of requests and has taken the necessary actions for succor.
I felt like a person whose day had just been restarted.
